YOUR NEWEST LUXURY-ADVENTURE DESTINATION August 21, 2026
A week ago, President Trump declared, “After we finish defeating Iran, which is being very badly defeated, pretty soon I’ll be declaring the Hormuz Strait a territory of the United States.”
The strait will then host Trump’s latest real-estate development.
As real-estate agents say, property’s three top selling points are location, location, location. Is the Strait of Hormuz dangerous? That’s the appeal! If you’re rich and looking for the next luxury-adventure destination to show up friends who’ve “been there and done that,” you’ve found it.
Exotic? From the get-go. Trump will build a whole new island smack-dab in the contested shipping lanes. He may hire the same Chinese engineers who built all those islands in the South China Sea—a great way to stay buddy-buddy with Chinese strongman Xi Jinping.
Imagine: You fly in a private jet to Oman, which America will bomb if necessary to carve out the Donald J. Trump Intercontinental Flightport. A state-of-the-art hydroplane whisks you to the resort’s dock where you’re met by a team of blonde, blue-eyed hostesses recruited from the United States, Northern Europe and Slovenia. They direct a squad of Arab porters who shoulder your luggage to your accommodations.
Before I continue, let me ease a lingering concern. Yes, the Strait of Hormuz lies in a war zone where missiles and drones attack ships and nearby military bases. But your villa at the Trump Hormuz Resort is as secure as it is beautiful.
Start with beauty: Your villa’s white marble exterior sparkles. It’s topped by a golden dome in the shape of Trump’s hair-do from which a gold cross rises in religious righteousness.
Now, security: A blast-proof concrete exterior supported by a titanium superstructure protects you from anything the Iranians can throw at you. Unless they develop a nuclear weapon. Or infiltrate the water system with exotic bacteria.
Inside, you enjoy up to five bedrooms with gilt furniture and gilt mirrors with faint images of Donald Trump winking at you. Up to twelve bathrooms—relief is always just steps away—feature gilt-framed mirrors and gold fixtures along with solid-gold toilets. Not just the seats. The whole enchilada. (Or whole Big Mac.)
Your butler and team of housekeepers—all blonde and blue-eyed—attend to your every need. Your chef prepares Wagyu steaks, blowfish, deep-fried spiders—whatever. Big Macs? For sure.
Sounds comfy and cozy? Absolutely. Still, this is an adventure destination. Your pool and patio are left uncovered so you can tell the folks back home, “I stood up to the ayatollahs and the IRGC with a level of bravery we would never ask of our sailors on the nearby carrier group. And we appreciate their willingness to eat canned cat food—when it’s available.”
You’ll further display your courage when you go for a sail on one of the resort’s luxury yachts. Naturally, you’ll sign an agreement absolving the Trump Hormuz Resort from liability should your vessel strike a mine submerged just beneath the water’s surface. But at checkout, you’ll receive a gold medal.
Please be patient. The Strait of Hormuz won’t become an American territory until the war is over, at which time construction—slated for thirty days—will begin.
Meanwhile, Trump is accepting deposits—cash or Trump bitcoin. It’s a great deal, because Trump has declared your deposit tax deductible.
Enjoy a great read about America’s 20th-century flirtation with authoritarianism in my novel RIDE THE TYGER. Order from Amazon, barnesandnoble.com, iuniverse.com, or your favorite bookstore.