REDSKINS AND INDIANS (AND BRAVES), OH MY! August 1, 2025

Trigger warning: This post contains ethnic slurs. Recommendation: Think as you read.

President Trump recently called on baseball’s Cleveland Guardians and football’s Washington Commanders to revert to their former names—Indians and Redskins. Why? Native Americans can’t be all that thin-skinned and woke name changes are unpatriotic. Let’s acknowledge, rather than ignore, our nation’s ethnicities.

I’m Jewish, so baseball’s Yankees become the New York Yids. Keeps NYY in schedules and on scoreboards. To sound more like Yankees—Sheenies. New York road uniforms say Jew York. The NBA’s Brooklyn Nets made two Jews selections in the June draft’s first round—one American, one Israeli. Shalom, Brooklyn Yids. The New York Knicks find a fit with Kikes. 

Mama mia! The NHL’s New Jersey Devils occupy Sopranos territory. They become the Wops. The Godfather across the river says, “Che buono!”

The Boston Celtics (NBA) update to the Micks. Keeps the Irish theme. Their mascot lifts a glass of whiskey. Fans make arm motions as if raising their own glasses. Which they do. TD Garden’s shabeens (once-illicit bars) sell whiskey. Concessionaires ID anyone under 12.

Chicago? You’re covered, bro’. The NBA Bulls celebrate the city’s large Black population as the Chicago Chuckers. That’s uniform-short for Spearchuckers, revering the African-American community’s jungle origins. (The N-word? Jury’s out.)

Los Angeles hosts a legendary basketball franchise, the Lakers. Wait, what? L.A. has no lakes, except pond-size ones in parks. What L.A. does have is a huge (if shrinking) community of Mexican-Americans and other Latinos. A tip of the sombrero to the Los Angeles Beaners. Which brings me back to New York. Puerto Ricans, followed by Dominicans, constitute a significant element of the Big Apple (Manzana Grande). The Jets (NFL) or Mets (MLB) adopt a new one-syllable name—the Spics. 

Here in the Bay Area, Chinese immigrants and their descendants have played a major role. Carolyn’s and my two landlords were Chinese. So, baseball’s Giants become the San Francisco Chinks. The team colors change from orange and black to dark yellow and light yellow. The East Bay hosts a huge South Asian community, but I can’t think of a special name for our other teams. Cleveland already has the Browns (NFL)—sadly, named after founder Paul Brown. 

Then again, sports teams might honor real Americans. Atlanta gets by with the Braves. One of its other teams becomes the Confederates. Or the Rebels. The Stars & Bars hang everywhere. Kansas City’s Chiefs become the General Lees.

Indianapolis hosts the Indianapolis Colts (NFL) and Indiana Pacers (NBA). But there’s a special ring to the Indiana Klan. In the 1920s, the state’s KKK had 250,000 members—most in the nation. Further north, the South Side’s Chicago White Sox become the White Men.

A Mid-South team in Nashville or Memphis offer props to Appalachian folks like Vice-President Vance. Howdy, Hillbillies. (Los Angeles could expand that to the Beverly Hillbillies, honoring TV’s fictional Clampett family, who struck oil and moved to SoCal’s glamor capital.) Way down south on the Mississippi, one of New Orleans’ two franchises becomes the Slavers, testimony to the slave market that flourished in the Crescent City.  

Honestly, I’d be amazed if these suggestions don’t earn me the Presidential Medal of Freedom. Also, if the Commanders don’t bow to pressure and change their name again—to the Washington Orangemen.

Please pass on this post—unless you hate Saturday Night Live.

Order my novel, TAKING STOCK (Kirkus Reviews starred selection) — or 2084 —in softcover or e-book from Amazon, barnesandnoble.com  or iuniverse.com. Or from your favorite bookstore.