FIVE NEW OLYMPIC EVENTS August 23, 2024

Pole dancing in the 2028 Los Angeles Olympics? 

In last Sunday’s San Francisco Chronicle, Marisa Ingemi wrote, “Pole organizations across the globe have begun a focused effort to get representation at the World Games and, eventually, the Olympics and Paralympics.” Seems that “poling” has left (well, not really) bars for gyms.

If poling makes it—uniform design will demand thought—other sports may have a shot. The Paris games featured breaking, formerly known as break dancing. Olympians also competed in skateboarding, sport climbing and surfing (the latter in Tahiti). 

Let me suggest some 2028 possibilities.

Beer pong. Who hasn’t tossed a ping pong ball into a cup filled with beer—or a stronger alcoholic beverage—in order to earn the right to down said beverage? Well, me. In college, we didn’t need an excuse to chug beer. Then again, I wasn’t much of a chugger.

Pinball. Okay, a machine is involved. But as a kid, I loved pinball and played a lot at our bungalow colony (Kappy’s Kottages) in the Catskills. Yes, some chance is involved, given the way a ball might ricochet off a light or bumper. But operating flippers requires good timing and a sense of direction. Also, the ability to give the machine a zetz—a slight shove—without TILT popping up to end your game. 

Water sliding. It’s not just for kids, as I demonstrated in Hawaii a few decades ago by sliding down, plunging into the pool and going up top again. And again. And again. This would be a timed event, although style points could be added. Remember, winter Olympics features bobsled, skeleton and luge. No big difference. The event could include individuals and teams with two or more sliders connected.

Three-two-one. We played this rainy-day game as kids, usually using a quarter. You sit at opposite ends of your kitchen table. From one end, you flick the coin with your fingernail towards the other. You get three tries. If the quarter hangs over your opponent’s edge on the first flick, you get three points. The second flick, two points. The third, one. Otherwise, your opponent takes over the quarter wherever it sits. Flick your quarter over the edge, and the edge is where your opponent starts. (A one point penalty is optional.)

Knock hockey. Another great table game. A rectangular enclosure features two goals, one open at each end, and a square block of wood set at an angle in front of each goal. Players use handheld sticks (in eighth grade, I made them for the Parks Department in wood shop) to hit a round puck into the goal. No defense except the block of wood, but lots of angles to play, which reflects real skill. (Bragging: I was very good.)

Given the expanding nature of Olympic sports, I’m sure you can come up with your own inclusions for the summer games. Bowling? A demonstration sport in 1988. Stickball? Baseball with a broom handle and pink Spaldeen or tennis ball. Eight-ball? A game of great cue-and-eye skill. Newspaper tossing? Okay, only a relatively few people (mostly seniors like me) get newspapers delivered to their door. Shuffleboard, anyone?

As to pole dancing, nice idea. No. Wait. I meant poling. I won’t say anything else—particularly not to Carolyn—without advice from my lawyer.

Please pass on this post. 

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