I’m TrumPinocchio & I want to be a Real Boy, not a Wooden Knockoff. But my Nose grows every time I Lie. Which I NEVER. Hold on. Have to hold iPhone I’m texting on farther away.
Sure, sometimes I exaggggerate. That 400-lb. Guy in bed who hacked Democratic National Committee’s emails? He only goes 350. Not in shape like my Pal Vlad Putin, who told me Russia DIDN’T do it. That’s settled!! Wait. Have to push iPhone away some more.
I love the American people. But not Crooked Hillary. She put our security in jeopardy using her own email server. Treason! That’s why loyal Americans scream, “Lock her up!” I just use my iPhones. China listens? Xi Jinping’s my Pal. Time out. Another phone adjustment.
Liberals hate me because they can’t handle The Truth. Like Criminal Hordes trying to get into America through Mexxxico. Nine-year-old girls do Terrible Things when they run in Packs of Two. Enemies of the People—CNN & Failing New York Times—don’t report that half infant boys storming border are members of MS-13. Whoa.Tough to use phone at this distance.
So much Hate. Horrible. Can’t we respect different opinions? Fine People marched in Charlottesville along with what Fake Media—Enemy of the People—called White Supremacists. What’s wrong with saying America needs more Norwegians? Last Monday, why did Jews jump all over Mike Pence for inviting Messianic Rabbi to his campaign rally. Of course Rabbi prayed in the name of Jesus the Messiah. More Jews accepting Jesus every day like regular Americans do. Crap! Hard to poke right Keeyzs.
Real Truth? Election coming. Republicans will win 75% of seats. Why? America loves ME, the Great Uniter!!!! That’s why I didn’t call Barack Obama (Fake American!) or Crooked Hillary (lock her up!) or anyone else (like that Globalist—I never said Jewish—Immigrant Lover George Soros) after that “Bomb Stuff.” One cranky American with a van covered by Trump Stuff means nothing. Screen getting fuzzy. New glasses?
That “Bomb Stuff” & that synagogue Shooting? (Congregants should have been carrying!) Excuse for Enemy of the People to stop covering my campaign rallies. They sent crews to Pittsburgh. Squirrel Hill. Probably Democratic neighborhood. I went to Pittsburgh. Lots of protestors. Simple message for those traitors: Guns don’t kill People. Patriots riled up by Traitors kill people.
Night after the Shooting? I told Real Americans we can’t let Sicko interrupt Campaigning. Or Baseball. I campaigned. Also tweeted about terrible Dodgers pitching change in Game 4 of World Series. (LOSERS!!) Next day I tweeted about Guts, which I have more than Anyone (along with Very Large Brain): “Just watched Wacky Tom Steyer, who I have not seen in action before, be interviewed by @jaketapper. He comes off as a crazed & stumbling lunatic who should be running out of money pretty soon.” “Bomb Stuff” shows up on Wacko’s doorstep, he cries. BOO HOO!!!
They say President sets moral tone for nation. That’s why I’m bringing Ammerikka together in Peece & Harmonie. Damn! Phone duct-taped to wall. Hard to type with tip of Nose but getting Hannnggh of it.
Wait till Midterms. Then 2020. Americans will see me as a REAL Boy. Who knows? Maybe someday I’ll become a Real Man.
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