CONCEPTIONAugust 31, 2012

Just when I think I’m keeping up with the news, I find out that I’m behind the curve. Only this week did I learn that last April, the Arizona legislature passed a law that pregnancy begins following a woman’s last period—before conception. I’m confused. I thought I got basic reproductive biology. Legislated science seems to be another matter.

According to John Celock of The Huffington Post, doctors often calculate a woman’s pregnancy from her last period because the exact date of conception can’t necessarily be determined. But this is a matter of a physician’s convenience. The State of Arizona has come up with its own medical science. Why? To take two weeks off a woman’s eligibility to have an abortion. I’m no scientist, and while I’m pro choice, I understand opposition to abortion. The question is complex. But still, Arizona took me aback.

Which inspired me to check out what other legislation has been passed this year. And I can report to you that legislatures and city councils across the nation won’t be one-upped by The Grand Canyon State.

— Georgia law states that a woman who announces she’s pregnant right after her period may keep any cash and gifts for her baby even if she hasn’t had sex or undergone in vitro fertilization or any other process to join an egg with a sperm.

— South Carolina ruled that the Book of Genesis is a science textbook, and that the state may fund its printing and distribution in public schools.

— Texas has resolved that it is larger than Alaska.

— Mississippi law declares that African-American residents are legally citizens of Africa and must self-deport before this November’s presidential election.

— Wisconsin now classifies cheese as a fruit.

— Oregon defines marijuana as a vegetable.

— Colorado mandates that anyone who shoots and kills more than one person must become a lifetime member of the National Rifle Association or, if already a member, must fund a gift membership for a worthy person.

— Iowa stipulates that a state-appointed board of ministers and priests may label pork products kosher.

— Oklahoma’s legislature bans any resident who visits the Museum of Natural History in New York from returning to the state. It also makes watching the Nature Channel a misdemeanor on the first viewing and a felony on each subsequent viewing.

— The City of San Francisco will impose a “wealth tax” on individual residents with a gross income greater than $15,000 and couples whose gross income exceeds $20,000. The city exempts all public employees with wages and overtime adding up to $375,000 so as not to exclude the chief of police.

Just thought you’d want to know. Especially if you’re a nun or an abstinent teen who finds herself pregnant twelve times a year.

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Read the first 2-1/2 chapters of SLICK! at davidperlstein.com. Which, by the way, received a great review and coveted Star as “a book of remarkable merit” from Kirkus Reviews. To purchase a signed copy, email me at dhperl@yahoo.com. SLICK! also is now available at iUniverse.com, Amazon.com and bn.com.